It’s been like this all twenty years of my life. I’ve always been second, number two, a.k.a not my as good as my sister. She’s had everything handed to her. Everything I ever got came from my hard work, but I’m still not as good as her in my mother’s eyes. Just once I wish my mother treated me equally. Just once I wish she made my sister work for something, everything. My sister and I are both adults now, but my mother’s mind still works the same way and she wonders why I feel the way I feel. I have never had it the “easy” way, like my sister. Mommy’s always there to hold her hand.
For some reason I get embarrassed about writing, even though I love it. I get embarrassed, because I feel like people won’t understand that I need to get these fictional stories out of my head and on paper. I have a very vivid imagination and am always thinking of things to write, but I never express my desire to be an author. I know I need to just put these stories out there so people can read them, but I’m so nervous. What if they aren’t good?
Yelling and screaming she ran through the door. She had no idea where she was. She frantically searched for the answer. The room she was in was empty and bare, so there really was nowhere to search. She sat and cried for hours.
After awhile she stood up and walked to the red wall. She cried and started hitting the wall. She noticed that it was already damaged. She hit it again and the place where she was hitting shattered to pieces.
She kept hitting the wall until she could get out, but when she stepped out of the room there was nothing but darkness. She looked back and noticed how funny the room she was in was shaped. It was shaped like a heart. It had bandages everywhere as if someone had smashed it with a hammer. Her eyes closed and she fell to the floor.
She awoke in her bedroom. She closed her eyes tight and opened them again. She was still in her bedroom. That’s when she realized that it was all a weird dream. Trapped in her own broken heart.
I ended up waking up in a kind of hilarious way this morning. I had asked my mom to wake me up, just in case I didn’t hear the alarm. My mom dutifully followed through with that, and when she woke me up I shot up as if someone was trying to murder me and things went flying to the ground. I looked at my mom startled and starting laughing. Why I felt scared…I don’t know.
No, not signs as in street signs and what not. Signs from the universe. I do…I think. Sometimes I wonder if it may just be coincidence.
This morning I found an envelope on the floor from my church. An envelope I could only get AT church. I haven’t been to church in two weeks and I didn’t even grab a program. So how the heck did this envelope get there?
I pondered it for a few minutes this morning while drinking my coffee. It’s just sticking on my mind though. I think it may be a sign that I should go to church more often.